Four days out...

   Tuesday.          Wednesday.        Thursday.         Friday.        Then there is Saturday. Four days till the big day. The air is tense, I must admit. Why, oh why? We have been so good; to each other, to ourselves, to our kids, to our marriage.

    
    I believe in the Love and Respect http://loveandrespect.com/  cycle that author/marriage counselor Emerson Eggerichs encompasses his beliefs of a successful marriage on. If you and your spouse give each other words, actions, etc of love and respect (to the wife, love, to the husband respect because to a woman love is like water, she needs it, and to a man, respect is like water, he needs it) that spiral goes up and stays up. It's when one does the unloving or disrespectful thing that the spiral suddenly goes negative. It takes the more mature spouse, just depending on the moment, the day I suppose, to erase the immature act, look beyond it and shoot back that act of love and/or respect to get that spiral back up. Is this not so true? When Charlie and I keep it in mind, our marriage rocks! 

    
    Right now, selfish worries and whatnot are definitely in the way. Our spiral has fallen. So disappointing. Just last week I was talking on the phone with a close girlfriend who's husband is presently deployed;  he'll be back home to her and two awesome children in 7 weeks!!! What a strong woman she is. I shared with her how Charlie and I were holding strong, we weren't experiencing those petty arguments so many others seem to have coming upon a deployment. Understandably, those feuds come about from anxiety, the tension, the unknown, the selfish desires, etc. Charlie overheard my conversation and afterwards complimented me on how I hadn't let those unfounded arguments come up. I had been holding strong. I had been overlooking his faults, knowing that most everything irrational spat out was… well… irrational, from stress. What an amazing compliment! He was giving me the praise for being the glue. (Blush, blush). Together, though, we had been overcoming. 

    
    The last couple of days, it's as though I don't even know my husband. In all fairness he might feel something similar about me. He is, in fact, a man. Okay, I will add it in. And, I am, in fact, a woman. Communication is not so natural to him. That's all I want, though. Communicate those feelings you're experiencing! Tell me whats on your mind, gosh dangit! But he responds with, "it's none of your business." He has never responded with such a statement. Maybe there are no words. I am not trying to relay a silly marital argument to you. I am expressing the difficulty of feeling as one in our marriage in such a time. We are being very individualistic right now. He is male. I am female. Very different creatures, I'm sure everyone can attest.  I try to keep this in mind with many of our more frustrating times. We'll come around, I know it. We have to. In fact, tomorrow morning I think I will invite him on  breakfast date.

      
    Perhaps we go through such a rocky road to prepare us for the first week of separation. When the day comes my attitude could possibly be, "good, I'm glad you're leaving. We need a break!" We've been there before. Oh that freedom feels great for the fist five days. Quite immature, that attitude, don't you think? Then, it gets a bit old. To not hear that '78VW Bus drive up at dinner time and to not have his presence in our home… plain sucks! We need our other half back.  My goal this week is to not have that attitude. I want to go out with the most positive vibe alive! No regrets! The truth is, we love each other to death. As The Pogues say, "I'll love you till the end."

     
    Another goal of mine for the year, thanks to my male neighbor's insight: Never let Charlie question his 'worth' in our family. Not sure how I will do this exactly. Some ideas are brewing. We may be 7,500+ miles apart, but those words will ring dear and close when we just express them. Thank God for the amazing communication between soldiers and their families in present war time.