And just like that....

     And just like that, he's gone. I don't even want to count the days until I next see him; I just know it's too long. Saying goodbye at the hanger actually wasn't too bad; several meaningful, warm hugs and kisses, some smiles, a few tears of mine. It was the driving away, the fear of parting from my husband and possibly never seeing him again that got me for a moment. I cannot think those thoughts, though. I would never make it. He would never make it. Those thoughts are natural, though, and will inevitable cross my mind many times more throughout this unwanted separation. Charlie's words as we said goodbye were that he can't get sad until he actually misses people. I understand that. I understand him. My words were that I was scared and sad of the length of time. Here's a secret; I already miss him. I am sad. 

    
    And then I looked at our daughters. I had been looking at them, but my vision changed as I kept savoring the moment. Oh, the innocence. And, oh how tight Ada hugged him. She wanted to go with him, she said, and has since asked why she couldn't go with him. She thinks there are babysitters in Afghanistan. Talking with Ada last night about 'it all,' she asked which other countries were near Afghanistan. I told her there was Turkmenistan. She started cracking up! I told her there was Uzbekistan. She laughed even harder! I went on… and she carried on with the silliness. She made up her own countries; some to name a few: "Adastan," "Hamburgerstan," "Bananastan." She sure does put an optimistic point of view on such a time. 

    
    Eva laid so still on her Daddy at home this morning for some good cuddles. As sweet as it was to hear her say, "Bye Byyyye," and "I Yu Yoouu! (I love you)," it is a little hard to take, for she probably just thinks we were dropping him off for a day at work. I know she will be fine. We will get to video call and talk to Charlie often. I am not afraid of her forgetting him. I just have fear of the kind of bond she will have  or not have with him. I feel like we're taking away this precious chance for her to become a Daddy's girl. Again, I know I can't go on with this frame of mind always. I know, with both Charlie and I putting forth our best parenting efforts, Eva Mei will turn out a great girl with a great love for her Daddy. These are just the raw emotions, plain and simple. No, plain and complicated.

    
    Thank God for these girls. How true it is that there is never a dull moment in my day. From the second we were saying goodbye to Charlie until now, a small break during quiet time, it has been non-stop talking, smiling, crying… like bratty crying, sassiness, love, discipline, distraction. And it's only been 3 hours. I laugh at that. It helps. If I only had Roxie, our dog of 7 years, to come home to, I would be crying all over her, well into a bottle of wine. 

    
    I thank you, God, for putting Charlie in my life. What a man he is! I have learned so much from him.  He provides so good for his family. I have faith in Charlie with his job. He really is an awesome soldier and anyone who gets to work by his side should consider their self very lucky. 

    
    All of a sudden, after a 15 minute cat nap/break from writing and thinking, this day and this time in my life feels very surreal. And right this moment my new goal is to approach this surreal time with wide eyes open and ready for a brand new chapter in life. A huge new chapter, that is. It's a brand new opportunity for Charlie and I to grow in our communication and marriage and characters. It's a great chance for my mothering to be challenged, and what do challenges do? They make people overcome and therefore become better. Bring it on!